...and we live as lions

It's an Angry Kind of Day...

2012-01-26T14:07:00.002+01:00

I had to be "that wife" today...you know, the one that makes the phone calls to get other peoples' butts in gear. Yeah, that was me. And I did it while I was angry. Oh yeah, I did.

I had to put in a call to the Wounded Warrior Hotline, to fill them in on the situation here and find out what kind of help we could get. You see, this "shortened" MEB process hasn't been shortened for us at all. As a matter of fact it's been drawn out to the limits of regulation and still no orders, still no Stateside assignment. We KNOW we'll be leaving, it's the when and where that has yet to be revealed to us. Others that started the process before, at the same time and even AFTER Soldier did have received assignments and orders. They know the when and where...we've yet to be told. It's getting old and I'm getting pissed.

Top it off with the fact that Soldier has never heard from his PEBLO directly...ever. Yeah, way to be on the ball there guy. Soldier has called, emailed, etc and PEBLO whatever his name is hasn't bothered to answer directly, only through someone else. Nice, eh?

So yeah, I'm angry. And yeah, I picked up the phone. Come Monday, there better be something or the update that'll be filed will get someone in serious trouble and it won't be us.

A Little Talk from the Trenches...

2011-09-20T00:34:00.000+02:00

Go grab a cuppa...this could get long and rambly.

Soldier and I have been married 15 years. 15. That's a long time. A long time to play the game of 'give and take' with no clear winner. But that's how it's supposed to be. We've played the game both as civilians and Army. We've played the game well, I do believe. It's this experience that leads me to post this for my friends...you know who you are (and I'm not outing you).

These are the lessons I've learned from the game of marriage...from both playing it myself and watching how others have played. Unsolicited advice...take it or leave it.

The cliches are true. It's a compromise. It won't work if everything is one sided...at least not happily. I've seen those one-sided marriages, they are not nice or pretty or even livable long term without one, the other or both losing themselves and becoming a pale version of their former glory. One person is miserable and the other is oblivious/selfish/just doesn't give a damn. There must be a common ground for your plans/dreams to take root in...something more than just sex. (Not to demean sex but you do eventually have to do other things.) That's where compromise comes in.

Flexibility is so very important. You are either a willow (strong yet flexible) or an oak (solid and unyielding). You may be dead set against something your partner wants (or visa versa) and that solid stance blinds you to everything good about them. How dare they...how dare they ask you for that. In all honesty, if you are that dedicated to those ideals...then you shouldn't be in a relationship that makes you feel that way. And if you feel the time has come to let go...then for crying out loud, LET GO. Do not cling to the thought that you can change them to your way of thinking...do not try to force them into someone they are not (you don't want it done to you...should they want it done to them?)...let them go. Why would you want to change the person that you fell in love with so fundamentally?

Trust and faith in one another...vital. You either trust each other or you don't. Plain and simple. You either have faith that your partner has your (as in you as a couple) interests at heart...even when it doesn't seem logically so....or you don't. You trust each other to do the right thing and you have faith that you can carry each other through even the darkest of times. Or you don't.

You kinda have to like each other. No really, you do. If your partner, the person you love and have chosen to spend your life with, isn't a person that you like...well...love won't make it. If you can't imagine spending time with them as a friend only, will the next (insert how many years you want) years 'living on love' be something you want to do?

What ifs are stupid. What ifs are trouble. They drag you from the now and the issues at hand. You cannot change the past (hey, another cliche!) and pondering the what ifs constantly casts doubt on every decision you've made. Sure there are the what ifs concerning the future...those are fine to a point. It's the ones about the past that cause you to falter and begin to question EVERYTHING.

Leave the past where it is because even if your partner says it doesn't bother them, it does.

Finally...try make choices you can live with and learn to forgive yourself for making ones that don't work out like you thought they would. There is nothing worse than waking up and looking at your loved one 1, 5, or 10 years down the line then thinking 'what if'. (see above about what ifs) You have to be responsible for your own choices and your choices as a couple. I'm sorry...it's part of being a grown up, despite what you may have been told.

The Joys of Medical....

2011-08-06T00:57:00.000+02:00

are not at all joyful. The white board is FULL of appointments...pain management, ortho, plastics, ENT, Audio, Dental....the list goes on and on. That's just for August. Who knows what September will bring.

More hurry up and wait.

Good news on the homefront though...Tanker finally got out from under the flag that got put on him (illegally, btw) and is cleared for promotion. Fingers crossed that happens soon, especially since he has to have it to re-up and change his MOS...should the Army decide he is in good enough physical shape after all of the above brewhaha to stay in.

Bleh.

I'm normally a pretty laid back chic, go with the flow kinda gal (for the most part) but I gotta tell you....this blows rocks. This being the whole "will they/won't they/should we/can we" thing that is buzzing around the house at the moment. This is insane.

Tanker is Home....

2011-07-09T22:38:00.000+02:00

and not on R&R.

(Warning: Rant below)

It's not the worst kind of news but neither is it the best. For the past two and half months, we've been dealing with that ugly side of the Army that no one REALLY wants to talk about. The side of the "leadership" that should never show it's ugly head...the side that doesn't believe a word coming out of the injured soldier's mouth and degrades him/her with every roll of their eyes and shrug of their shoulders. Thank you downrange leadership for making the Tanker feel like he was less of a human being for having an injury (especially one that you can't see with your naked eye), thank you for your obvious lack of care for his well-being and thank you for reinforcing that deep held belief that only the best suck-ups get issues taken care of quickly. Let's just forget the fact that Tanker is a good soldier, one that jumps when you say jump...one that doesn't get in trouble at the bars....one that does his job and does it well.

(Rant over)

Whew!

On we go...Tanker is waiting approval for surgery that will help strengthen the weak spots in his core and nix all the extra skin he's packing due to his 134+lb weight loss (so he could re-enlist). That surgery should set everything right again and get him feeling more like the Tanker of old. We hope. In the meantime, Tanker is looking into not being a tanker anymore...ah, yay! MOS change time! (please note the slight sarcasm) Not that I think it's a bad idea, I'm pushing for it. Really, think about it....there isn't much of a call for Tankers in the civilian world and he will retire (or out) fairly young. So, he's checking out the options for an MOS that will translate into something doable in the civilian world (ie medical fields). I'm just eager to get the process started.

The past two months have been hell for so many reasons (excluding Tanker's downrange trials that inspired the above rant). Our BN has lost too many already in this rotation. One is too many. Sadly, it's our reality that it has been far more than one. With too many months left to go. All we can do is hope for no more.

Hitting Home...

2011-04-05T22:10:00.000+02:00

Today...this whole deployment thing hit home. Today...the word WAR was said for the first time in this house. Today...two families in our BCT had to wake up to the cold reality that their Soldier was gone. Today...I robbed my children of a little more innocence.

Today was a first for me...I wish it was a first that I had never had to see. The smack in the face that brought reality, ugly f'ing reality, into my home and forced me to have a conversation with my 7 and 5 year old sons that no parent wants to have. I know, I know...they're military brats. This is something they have to deal with. Yeah, well shove that thank you very much. I didn't particularly look forward to having to have the whole "Daddy's at war" conversation along with the "her Daddy won't be coming home" conversation. It sucks. Big time.

Yes, they knew Tanker was going someplace dangerous...but only as much as their little minds could stretch it. Today they found out how dangerous. I hated that conversation for what it was and why it was. I hated the whole damn thing. I still hate it. I'll hate it tomorrow and the next day too. That forced conversation that took a little more of my babies innocence away.

My heart aches for these families that I didn't know but did. These women are my sisters on the homefront...my fellow Household 6's. And I wish...I wish so many things.

Good or Bad?

2011-03-12T10:32:00.000+01:00

Dear Tanker,

Today is one of those days. The ones where thoughts of you pop up randomly. It's a good thing, I think...but sometimes it hurts. I miss you bad. Nothing new there really, just another milspouse missing a piece of herself. Normal functions continue but in the back of the mind there's the lingering thoughts of you and you being not here. No resentment, no anger...just loneliness nagging at the edges of everything. And apparently fear.

There was a moment yesterday, when I was worrying about an old friend and his family stationed in Japan, that the fear reared its ugly head. I didn't realize it was fear until said friend posted on his FB page that he and his family were fine and safe...then the tears came...thank you fear for making me look crazy. Guess it was a good thing I was all alone, the kids at school. It wasn't just fear for my friend and his loved ones....it was fear of the unknown and the what-if's that apparently run through every milspouse's mind. I hate those what-if's. They suck. They make me feel weak and helpless. And we both know that those are my two most unfavorite feelings.

We all have our moments, I suppose. But knowing that doesn't make the feelings any less. I miss you Tanker and I love you. I'll see you soon.

Tanker's Girl

A Little Rough Around the Edges...

2011-03-03T22:56:00.000+01:00

that's how it feels tonight. Stress piling up...emotional, physical, mental...it's there and the stupid crap just will NOT go away.

The youngest is sick and getting him into the clinic has been....well....interesting to put it politely, friends that I adore are having a really rough go, family issues back home (aka Stateside) and I think my brain just realized that this is not a 30-45 day field exercise. At least it seems to only realize it late at night (like now) when I'm trying to wind down.

I'm at one of those weird points that comes along every once in a while (I've been told) during deployment. Full of emotions, so full I don't even know where to begin the sorting process. One minute I feel fine, then it feels like the tears are on the way, then suddenly a jump to that whole "scream and hit something/someone" feeling. And I don't even have to think of anything in particular...Cheetos could set me off in any direction right now. And no...I am not pregnant.

To make things worse, I find myself cleaning a lot...but getting nowhere with the cleaning. The kitchen is a perpetual disaster area (damn that need to eat), the laundry never ceases getting dirty (damn that whole modesty thing) and I swear to whatever being thought it was funny to create dust that I will get revenge for all the sweeping and dusting and mopping that goes on in this house. Let's not even start on trash, toy/dvd/Wii game pickup AND schoolwork.

Nope, don't even bring up the word schedule (thought and said in a British accent because it sounds better that way)...I have one of those thank you very much. It stays full with things like FRG related training, appointments, meetings and the such. I'm beginning to think the whole "stay busy" attitude is a crock. I am busy and I don't like it!! (okay, maybe I do but I have moments of utter dislike for that red demon concealing a calendar aka the Book)

The upside to all of this is that eventually (I hope...oh please, please) I'll come to grips with it all without going totally insane. Maybe.

Day Whatever...

2011-02-27T18:36:00.000+01:00

Ah the joys of married but single parenting...especially parenting a "special needs" child. Okay, so he's not so special in that he NEEDS much more than his peers, but the whole glasses and hearing aides part does set him apart from his peers. Especially the hearing aides part.

Most of the kids in his class have already adapted to the aides, but (you knew there was a but coming, didn't you) there are a select few...the same select few that caused issues BEFORE the aides...that still try to take them out of his ears or turn them off and on. One of these select few is a belly puncher...the kind that likes to hit other kids in the stomach when no one is watching. Apparently, no one watches this kid a lot. No, it's not just my kiddo that gets the punching. No, my kiddo isn't a wimp that cries to me...he's simply been taught NOT to hit others (which apparently does NOT apply to his brother). Still, I've gotten tired of saying "tell the teacher". Really, how many times does he need to tell the teacher? He's going to eventually stand up for himself (a day I'm just dying to see) and well...I'll get a phone call from the school. I'm ready for that. I'm waiting for it.

Aside from adjustments that would have taken place with Tanker here, there is no news to report. We're plodding through. I'm slowly making sense of the house after destroying it the first week Tanker was gone in an effort to "simplify"...yeah, simply got nowhere! Sigh. But at last, some semblance of order is being restored...albeit slowly. Thank goodness for IKEA and storage! And a pox on my pack-rat genetics.

No Real Countdown...

2011-02-18T00:40:00.000+01:00

Now that the Soldier is "safe" and I've sorta come to terms with the whole crappy situation, I can start talking about this deployment (or long camping trip as the kiddos call it).

It sucks.

But I'll make it.

Right now that's the gist of it. The kids miss him, I miss him...the dog misses him. It's hard for him to miss the moments that are both big and small. Funny things the weird spawn we created say or how the oldest kiddo's face lit up the first time his hearing aides got turned on (oh my heart) or how he smiled when he heard the wind for the first time. Pictures can only convey so much and words can only describe so much.

I miss the random conversations about strange things, the snoring and warmth coming from his side of the bed and the constant OCD cleaning that he does (never thought I'd say that). I miss a lot.

But I'm proud of my Soldier...he's doing a job that too many demean and disrespect. And he's doing it with pride.

Rock on Tanker...I love you.

Gut Checks and Chaos...

2011-01-01T20:19:00.000+01:00

Yep, had one of those today. You know...the moment when your sweetie goes from sorta ready to I'm there? Soldier started a list of needs and wants today for the big D...and finished it. It sits proudly beside me on the desk, taunting me. Gut check.

Gut check for a couple of reasons. One, it means that in his mind the countdown to departure has started. Two, it means that I'm nowhere near as good at making lists as Soldier is. For Pete's sake my THANKSGIVING shopping list is still sitting here, half made...yeah. How in the world do I manage to operate, I mean really.

I want to get organized, I really do. I know I need to for the sake of what little sanity I have left, even if it just for the big D. But I can't. It appears that this particular milspouse thrives on a little chaos. Please note I said chaos and not drama...two very, very different things. Example, my yarn stash can be in a perpetual state of chaos littered with have done projects...but these projects don't make me feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a really poorly written soap opera. I have yet to pick up a project that's been neglected for a month (or more) and have it make me feel like I need a shower. Chaos = alright in my book.

So I suppose it is a matter of allowing a little chaos in, just figuring out how to contain it to areas that it can do no harm...I wonder if a kennel or baby gate would work for this? I suppose not. The whole fifty folders of paperwork that could really be condensed into 5 or 10 is a bit much, along with the smattering of clothing dropped here and there as the kids strip because apparently clothing is for outdoor use only...random chaos = crazy Mommy.

Something simply has to be done.

Well then....

2010-12-23T19:53:00.000+01:00

it's been wild here...parties, balls, pre-deployment fun all around. Now Christmas approaches and the countdown begins in earnest. But I'm borrowing my friend Mo's philosophy on it: The sooner he goes, the sooner we can start the Homecoming Countdown.

And we're going to do just like my Mo and count down weeks...not days. It makes more sense to me and it's an easy concept for the kiddos to grasp. Every Saturday is another Saturday closer to Daddy coming home. Works for us.

I know things have been touch and go here, but I can pretty much promise you a daily dose of my insane thought process as the next year plus drags on. I cannot, however, promise to be posting consistently coherent posts. Fair warning.

As for now, I'll leave you with a nice "Happy Holidays" and wishes for all the good things in life to come your way over the next year.

Crazy...

2010-11-13T19:54:00.000+01:00

creative, fun-loving, strange, in a world of my own and did I mention...crazy?

I think you have to be a little on the crazy side to enjoy this military life. The ups are so far up there, the downs are the lowest you'll ever see...but the ride is full of thrills and chills. And to step into it willingly, knowingly...you have to be a little bit nutty.

Right now we're floating on ups. Tanker finally had the flag removed and is up for promotion, his surgery is supposedly a go (which is good news) and the rugrats have adjusted rather well to life far from family. I've built a nice net of friends that I know are good for me, discarded those that are not and have finally settled into some sort of routine. The holidays approach and our first test of shopping and shipping for Christmas is at hand (heaven help the mail system if they screw this one up). Our previous stint overseas did not involve children, of course; so this Christmas will tend to set the tone of the others to come. Tanker will not be here next Christmas, so this one is set to be a big one.

Why yes...the tree is up already. Yes, I'm aware that Thanksgiving has not yet come and gone. But I want it up...so it's up. Why yes, we are prepping to wrap the presents that are set to start arriving next week; they will find a home under the tree as the most appropriate torture devices ever devised for children. Presents they can't open for a full month. Sweet, sweet torture.

And so the pride's Holiday season has officially begun...Monday (or Tuesday, it depends on how I feel) preparations for the Thanksgiving Feast begin with the purchasing of all the makings. With so many neighbors saying "see you soon" to their hubbies soon, we'll be flinging open the doors to our friends and inviting them in...I'm one of the lucky few that gets to keep her Soldier through the Holidays...I want our friends to know that despite that fortunate set of circumstances, they are welcome here any time.

And thus, as it has previously been written, let the Holiday Madness begin.

I guess...

2010-11-06T21:59:00.000+01:00

there comes a moment of acceptance. Finally accepting the inevitable (deployment), accepting that you aren't in control of everything (which is actually a good thing) and accepting that you still have to stand up and manage. But there's also that moment of realization...that you aren't alone. There are so many others standing beside, in front and behind you that are a shoulder to lean on, an example to learn from and a safety net to fall into when you get pummeled by this life.

I'm thankful, beyond words, for the women I have around me. We're different, every single one of us...we each have our strengths and weaknesses...but this small handful of women that I've come to trust and love are my support system, my girls. With them, I am not alone. I would survive without them if I had to, but I'm so glad that I don't have to. They help me maintain my balance. They help me stay me. And I love them dearly.

Dear Ms. Sisk...

2010-08-21T17:34:00.000+02:00

and the Fayetteville Observer;

Thank you to your husband and his service, drafted or no...he served. For that I am a grateful citizen.

For your inflammatory comments, which I can only assume you wrote whilst either high or drunk or both....are you serious? You must want to have your rearend kicked while on your way to lunch...that's the only thing I can think of.

Today's MilSpouses are not a generation of "whiners". You compare your husband's 20 year career, with a single tour in Vietnam (SINGLE TOUR) to the repeated deployments that today's Soldiers face? You compare your lackadaisical lifestyle of moving about (eating rattlesnake, watching cows and learning impeccable German) to the fast paced, hectic and often insane scramble that today's military families endure? And further more, you begrudge us the opportunity to have a real bitch session when we NEED it to blow of steam?

For shame, Ms. Sisk...for shame.

MilSpouses in today's military are more than just spouses...and yes, despite your insipid beliefs to the opposite, we sacrifice a great deal. Unlike previous wars, we are forced to endure repeated deployments with little down time, our Soldiers miss an unbelievable amount of time and memories to be made (ahem, like eating rattlesnake WITH the family), our children miss out on lessons learned and goodnight kisses,...and we miss these things sometimes 3000+ miles away from family and lifelong friends that bring comfort. We find ourselves instead leaning on the arms of women and men in the same boat, with the same missing moments and we gather strength in our numbers. Forgive us if the 4th deployment in 7 years brings us to our knees for a moment...but please stick around after the "whining" to watch us as we regain our footing and find ourselves once more standing tall and being our usual strong selves. That is the real show Ms. Sisk...that is what it is to be one of us.

Nerves and Anxiety....

2010-08-18T19:42:00.000+02:00

they're starting to set in...along with the anticipated anger. Yep, pre-deployment insanity has begun in the house. Tanker is excited, scared and certain he's going to miss us...I'm short-fused, irritable and going quietly crazy at the thought of holding down the fort...alone.

Sure, sure...women do it all the time...single mom's do it all the time. Guess what? I'm NOT a single mom. I'm married, to a wonderful man that is my partner in every way. We've been apart very little since our marriage 14 years ago and even less since the children were born. My kids see their father daily, spend time with him on a more than regular basis and get goodnight kisses every night. All of that is about to change. I've kicked into the anticipatory grief stage, I believe...in my own way of course.

I quietly grieve about the soon to be missed birthdays, anniversary, holidays, etc...but I grieve more for the lost goodnight kisses, stories, ticklefests in the living room, ice cream from the truck, sticky summer days lazing in the shade and chilly winter nights snuggled under a quilt on the couch...all things that my children will miss as much as I. All things the Tanker will miss.

There will be phone calls, of course...but Tanker won't be here to see the excitement on the youngest's face (in person) on his first day of Kindergarten or likely his first lost tooth. Tanker likely won't be here for the oldest actually getting his hearing aids and hearing clearly for the first time in who knows how long. Tanker won't be here to mark 15 years with me...I grieve for all the things that Tanker will miss, I grieve for him and for us...and I do it now, before the time actually comes. Anticipatory.

Rough...

2010-08-14T23:34:00.000+02:00

I have the feeling that's how things are going to be over the next few months as the Tanker prepares for departure to lands previously unknown and unseen. I think pre-deployment nerves are setting in already. His upcoming, short "camping trip with the guys at work" will be a test and future indicator. The eldest will start 1st grade while Daddy is away. Then later on there will be another, longer, "camping trip"...where Daddy will miss a birthday, a holiday and lots of school functions for both kiddos...I am not looking forward to these "test trips"...they will boldly point out my weaknesses and smack me in the face with them.

Hopefully, these will also show me how much stronger I am...I need them too. A year is so long. So very long. We'll take it day by day though and work through it as best we can.

And So It Begins...

2010-08-06T10:18:00.000+02:00

all the pre-deployment prep and such. Things are going to be very hairy around here soon. The conversations in the house have turned toward the upcoming deployment more and more. The kiddos are asking a few questions...well, the youngest is. The oldest just kinda of gets this glazed over look that he normally gets when he's not really listening (or apparently can't really hear you).

After Monday, and the hearing aid fitting, we'll really start getting serious with the discussions. Not only will Daddy not be home as much over the next few weeks, he will also be gone for over a month straight...sort of a trial run for us. School will start while he's away, a birthday will come and go and the holidays will be rapidly approaching (as they already are). I'm getting a bit nervous about all of this.

I know I can do this on my own, this whole parenting thing, but it's scary as heck. Being single but married is going to suck, but I'll have companions in the same boat to commiserate with. That'll help, I hope.

Um, okay....

2010-07-29T11:53:00.000+02:00

(note: this is not a complaint, I am sure that the following will test me in ways that are as of yet unimagined...but I am also sure that it will help me cope and survive during this deployment.)

I have joined the scads and scads of wives before me and that will come after me...as an FRG co-leader. Oh boy, what in the world did I just get myself roped into? ;P

Thankfully it's an established FRG, so all the craziness that goes with getting setup is not going to be there. Sadly, there is not much participation...which in general seems to be the norm. I know so many think that FRG's are nothing but gossip fests so they get turned off. Shann (my fellow co-leader) and myself are hoping to change at least a few peoples' minds and get the families participating. It's a tall order, but hey...someone has got to do it!

Caution: Wild Week Ahead!!

2010-07-26T09:17:00.000+02:00

Tons to do for the Meredith Pride this week. Tomorrow I'll be loading up both boys and making a trip to the clinic liason for the eldest kiddo's paperwork (giving us permission to see a German ENT) then taking a neighbor to Landstuhl for an OB appointment. Then it's mad dash home to make it to the FRG meeting on time and hopefully not get stressed about the news there. Wednesday is EFMP and school registration...Thursday, hopefully rest....Friday, long early morning drive to Homburg for the ENT.

Friday stresses me the most. The outcome of Friday's ENT visit sets the tone for the rest of my boy's life. Hearing aides for certain? Degenerative condition? Birth Trauma or Genetic? Options? It's flippin' scary. But as always, the reactions to the news will be buried until I can cry about it with my sister. I'm weird that way. Handle it now, cry later. I have the feeling that the next year and a half will test me on that.

Drama...Oh Lord.

2010-07-15T00:50:00.000+02:00

Now I remember what I dislike about the crazy housing we have. Call it ghetto, we do. Drama pops up everywhere and no matter how hard you try to avoid it, some of that crap is going to get on your shoes. From folks who don't clean up after their dogs to those that let their children run rampant without supervision...you'd think that they'd at least skim over the housing rule book, but alas...no. Or they did and decided that housing was talking to someone else and not them.

Not your babysitter, not an employee paid to go around cleaning up your dogs' crap, not your counselor...but I'll tell you straight up if you've done or said or intend to do something incredibly dumb by anyone's standards. I don't take sides, your argument is not mine unless it affects me directly (ie I don't know who took your whirlygig, don't drag me into the blame game...it wasn't me I've got enough junk in my house and I'm not sleeping with your wife). However, if you lay your drama at my feet, I'm going to give you my opinion...worldly, full of examples and explainations, just so you get the friggin' point.

I'm not an old timey Army wife that tsk, tsk's bad behavior over a cup of tea with a plate of cucumber sandwiches (complete with crust removed) and crumpets. I don't have the time, patience or pay to be your therapist. I have children to raise, house to keep and a mind to keep sane. Why yes, I am raising my children to be productive, self-controlled and fairly pleasant humans to be around...contrary to belief. They say please, thank you, excuse me...they do not address people that have no bearing on their lives and/or who have not earned their respect as Sir or Ma'am...they aren't soldiers yet. Just because you are an adult does not mean you have their (or my) respect...most of the bad guys are adults too. Are my children supposed to respect them too?

Army Wives has nothing on real Army wife life.

Love in the Army...

2010-07-07T12:52:00.000+02:00

is a strange and complicated thing. We've done both, civilian and Army. Army is way more complicated. After 14 years of love (sometimes not so much love, lol) the Tanker and I have learned to take the challenge of Army love like the rest of the punches we get thrown. Roll with it, stand up, dust off and push on through.

On this side of the love triangle (yes, it is a triangle), I've learned and have to keep reminding myself that the Army is not my enemy...just another aspect of him I have to live with. Army demands his time and presence at the most inconvienent and strange times. Army takes away from our family time, precious little given over the next...say...year and a half. But Army also makes us closer. What!?! Yep, it does.

It could be that my tiny background serving Army helps, but I doubt that. I think it's because we know deep down inside that Army calls the shots on the surface of this relationship. Army says go, we say okay...BUT he knows I'm here and visa versa. It's not easy being in love in the Army. It takes a crap load of work. More work than in the civilian world.

All the work is worth it though. I'm with the man I love (even when he's on the other side of the world), he's doing the job he loves and we're making it. So here's to you and I, Tanker...fourteen years and counting!

Starting out...

2010-06-23T08:58:00.001+02:00

again. With the whole furniture situation that is! We came over with little to no furniture, something that I was fine with. Why? Because of IKEA of course! At the risk of sounding like a commercial for them: We love IKEA...love it. The furniture is well made and pricing is more than reasonable. As an extra bonus, we are eligible to get the IKEA Family Card. It's NOT a credit card (they have those too but thanks, not interested), it's a discount card that gives you X amount off of certain products. Love that card too! A neighbor friend and myself went to the IKEA in Mannheim the other day (her first time EVER in an IKEA) and I scored a step stool, that is currently being used by the oldest as a chair for some reason, for free after the discount came off. Rockin'!

In other news around the Meredith Haus, more field time...oh yay (please note the sarcasm). Nothing new, of course, but man...I would love to spend some time with the husband before he's shipped off to the sand and mountains for an extended period of time. Okay, that's over-exaggerating a little...a very little.

Summer vacation for the kiddos so far has been a bit of a bust though they don't know that. They love hitting up the playground and hanging out with their friends. Thinking that once we get a decent weekend weather-wise AND the Soldier is free (i.e. not on CQ, not in the field, etc.) we may actually get to go to Trier or somewhere interesting for the boys. K-town Zoo, the aquarium, castle exploring, etc. Right now all they've gotten to "see" is Ramstein AFB, lol. Not quite the cultural experience I was hoping to give them, ya know.

But we still have three years here...I can totally rock the culture on them before we go anywhere!

Thank You, Buzz Off Base...

2010-06-09T22:20:00.000+02:00

you just made my summer planning for fun way easier than it should be!! This lovely, perfect, wonderful little ditty of a download is my savior for our first summer in Deutschland with children. Danke, danke, danke!!

Hmmm...

2010-06-07T10:21:00.000+02:00

we've been here around 2 months and already we have junk scattered...okay, not junk...paperwork. Paper, paper everywhere. My mission (should I chose to accept it) is to get the mess gathered, sorted, appropriate copies made and then file it all away. Of course, this hinges on finding a decent filing cabinet...something I haven't really been keeping an eye open for at the thrift shop.

I can totally do this. I can organize all of the military goo (paperwork, TA50, etc) so that we aren't being taken over by ACU colored items and 5 copies of every piece of paper. I can.

So Many Times in Life...

2010-06-06T12:56:00.000+02:00

we have the chance to make a difference in someone else's life. So many times we pass it by or take the chance...or in my case right now, we stand there unable to help when we really, really, really want to. I have a new friend here that could use that help, but my hands are tied. So I stand here, hands tied, just lending an ear (or trying to...those that know me well know it is very difficult to keep my mouth shut when I have a strong opinion).

This friend is torn, trying very hard to make the right decision for her and her family while honoring her beliefs. Being the outsider in the situation, and not having all the facts (ie both sides of the story) I try to remain objective. Throw a little faith/religion into the equation and you have a hot mess. Being the not-overly religious type (hello...issues with organized religion but that's another blog) I can offer nothing but an ear.

I guess that's all a person needs sometimes...an ear, a shoulder, a hand...body parts.

Wow, just Wow....

2010-06-05T12:15:00.001+02:00

in a rare move, German weather has decided to cooperate this weekend with plans! First, a beautiful day yesterday let us actually enjoy a outdoor school function. Then today the sun is shining down on a birthday party for one of Alexander's school friends which will be followed by a BBQ we'll be having with some of our neighbors.

Gorgeous, beautiful, absolutely breath taking weather....warm, sunny, summer!

Until tomorrow, lol. In typical German weather fashion, we will be gifted with a week's worth of rain following this beautiful weekend. Go figure! At least we have the weekend (mostly).

On a non-related note, Derek has a board Monday...we were hoping for a promotion but alas he is still over on weight and body fat percentage...not by much though. Can't complain, the man has worked his rear off (literally) over the past year...over 100lbs gone since January 2009. Go Tanker!

Off to prep my little Soldiers for the party...they are going to training for two hours, lol.

Candid Talk...

2010-06-02T12:36:00.000+02:00

Derek and I have been discussing the upcoming deployment a lot. Wills have been made, Power of Attorney's gotten and what if's brought up. I know what he wants in the worst possible scenerio and he knows the same of me.

Granted, these are discussions that should have taken place years ago (say when Alexander was born). The deployment just finally gave us the kick in the rear we needed.

It has also given us the chance to talk openly with the boys. There really is only so much you can say to a 6 and 4 year old that they will comprehend about Daddy going away for a year. But we keep up the discussion. I don't think it's quite sunk in yet with the oldest...he gets a sort of faraway look on his face whenever we say something about it. I don't know that it will sink in with the youngest until G(o) Day. But we keep up the discussion.

One day, soon, we'll sit down together...TV off...computers off...phone off...and have a one on one with the boys about it. I'm thinking in the next couple of weeks, after school is out. Have "THE" talk, answer questions, discuss what to expect and then leave it be. Alexander will surely continue to ask questions as the weeks and months tick ever so slowly by, that's just the kind of kid he is. Sebastian, well...I don't know. We just have to keep reminding ourselves (Derek and I) that this is a first for all of us and that the lines of communication have to stay open...as far as they can.

A New Month...

2010-06-01T16:54:00.000+02:00

and a new plan. I'm hoping to be a little more inspired with this blog...to make more posts and the like. This is the one I have listed on all those social networking sites afterall. I guess I need to make an effort. But when there is so little going on other than usual day to day right now, I don't know what to do.

When deployment hits, I'll use this as a baseline to Derek...so he can keep up with the day to day. It's important that we keep that open, so he has an active part in the boys' lives. But right now, well...it's just a spot for me to update family and friends on important stuff!

Eventually this thing will take off but as of now it is just this. Apologies for those expecting more!

The Best Laid Plans...

2010-05-18T10:57:00.000+02:00

when left to me often go awry. Furniture delivery...I thought it was due yesterday because I've apparently been running a day ahead. That would have been fantastic. Derek had the day off and could have done the whole signing in at the gate thing....nope, it's today. Derek is not off and there runs the big chance that I'll be cabbing it to the gate with two little boys in tow in order to sign in the delivery guys....sigh.

Oh well, at least we'll have our own furniture. Now to get the borrowed Army stuff out of here. That's supposed to happen tomorrow but I literally just realized we have an appointment at Legal tomorrow for Will prep. Guess if Derek calls later, I'll remind him of that so he can deal with Housing and furniture pickup!

The boys are stoked about their new beds, I'm stoked about the couch.

Well, short and sweet...I'm tired and running out of time for a nap!!

Dear Afghanistan...

2010-05-13T15:16:00.000+02:00

I am unwillingly sending you my husband soon. I would like to ask you to care for him but I know you won't. Instead you will make his day to day life miserable and dangerous. You will ask so much from him and give so little in return. Your people with both welcome and condemn him for being there to do what he has been ordered to do. He will be there to help, when you refuse to help yourselves.

You will continue to allow the Taliban bullies to push you to submission while my husband fights back against an enemy you aide. You will continue to complain about the loss of business and the failure of the U.S. (and other NATO countries) to help you build/re-build. You will do little to nothing in order to stand up for yourself, but never fear...my man is one of thousands that will and are trying make something more for your children and your future. All the while, we...his family...his wife, his children, his loved ones....will wait to see what our future will be. I do not relish the thought of my husband being in your hands, but I realize that is his job. And until the day it is no longer his job, he will do his best.

Sorely neglected...

2010-05-09T09:15:00.001+02:00

but I'll try to do better, I promise. Not that it matters much. The only person that reads semi-regular is my Ben friend (who is living vicariously through me, lol)...but for you, Ben, I will keep blogging 'cause I know you want to see more Doner Kebab pictures!

Alas, our stuff is here and ever so slowly being unpacked. We have a week to get some sort of order put to it though since next Tuesday (the 18th) is furniture delivery day. That means that all the temp furniture needs to be gone so the new, permenant stuff can be brought in. Still have lots of stuff to get, but I'm waiting until we have a car (on the 12th...woot!) since most of the stuff we want can't be delivered...oh IKEA why!?!

Oh, we have a dog...rather, I have a dog. She's decided that I am the be all and end all. Bas has named her Brownie, it works...it's a form of snack. Brownie is a red/blonde English Cocker that is already spoiled rotten. She fits right in.

Back to the car...we weren't going to get one. We were so going to just use the public transit only because we know from experience it can be done. Alas, Xander has to be seen by specialists at Landstuhl for some hearing issues and that kind of fun with two boys is a no-go for me. Bus, train, bus, hours sitting at the hospital then bus, train, bus...all in hopes that we DON'T miss the last bus into Baumholder...yeah, we don't have a bahnhof in town right now so it's all busing to Idar for a train then hoping to be there before the last bus leaves Idar to Baumholder. Timing is insane and frankly I'd rather just drive 45 minutes.

I know, I know...I'm rattly and random today. Could be from lack of sleep/coffee/breakfast in bed. That would have been really nice on this rainy, dreary Mother's Day. I think my order got misplaced or something.

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to all (you to Ben!)...I'm off to get some more coffee and to think about whether or not I want to foot it to the PX/Commissary today or not.

Adieu!

How it goes...

2010-04-28T07:49:00.000+02:00

we're finally settled into some sort of weekly routine (minus the addtion of our own things surrounding us). X is enjoying school very much and doing well. Does have to have glasses though. Both boys have made a few friends, as have I, and things are going along nicely.

D is D...doing pretty much what he wants when he isn't working, par for the course I suppose. This weekend was supposed to be "puppy getting" weekend but the pup we were hoping to get is too far for me to try to get to without pulling an overnighter in Schweinfurt...not going to happen right now. So the search continues. I've decided that whatever dog we get is going to be named Snack. Mainly because all I hear from B is that he wants a dog, wants a dog, wants a dog, wants a snack. Two birds, one stone...lol.

We were going to replace the getting of a puppy this weekend with a family trip to Idar Oberstein, but the arrival of rain (something that has been oddly lacking lately) has put a nix on that one. Looks like a cozy weekend at home instead...should be interesting.

I'm rabidly awaiting the arrival over our goods. There is a sweater on the knitting needles for B that is on hold until my longer needles get here, sigh. I really want to get busy on it because I'm sure there will be some ripping back involved.

Time for the quick walk to school, X is getting antsy.

Much love,

Blogger Templates

Slowly Settling...

2010-04-18T22:36:00.000+02:00

into the new digs. The boys are adjusting well to having seperate rooms (surprise) and Xander starts school in the morning at the DoD school that's a block (if that) from the house. He's excited, I'm wary...we've been through the whole "I wanna go to school" thing before and I'm so hoping that things work out fine this time around.

We're still getting our bearings with the local scene and slowly venturing out more, though Derek would be just as happy to sit in the house all day on his off days doing nothing. I'm beginning to think the new TV was a bad idea...seriously. But that is really nothing new. As it goes, I know that it will fall to me to make the most of it...as usual.

Other than the having to twist the other adult's arm to get him to do anything, we're doing good. Just waiting on our own stuff and the chance to go furniture shopping. I start back to class on May 10th, so will have that to occupy a little of my time.

Alas, bedtime for me...have a very early day tomorrow of walking X-man to school and meeting with counselors and teachers! Love from Germany!!

Here we are...

2010-04-02T19:03:00.000+02:00

in rainy, hilly Baumholder! The boys are liking it so far (except the whole losing a day thing has done a number on sleep) and so D and myself. We're holed up at the hotel on post until mid-month when we finally get into housing. They're currently redoing the floors. No biggie, at least we aren't waiting for an opening!

We've not done much yet...hey, we've only been here 4 days...but I'm eyeballing an April trip to the Frankfurt Zoo. Mainly we're waiting to see if we can find a car since we left the Blazer Stateside with the 'rents. Of course we're also waiting to see how the whole Driver's Test turns out, not that it's hard or anything.

That's pretty much it...resting up in the hotel through the weekend though there is an Easter Egg Hunt tomorrow that the boys want to do. Depends on the weather (rain, I'm sure) though.

Later!

Fly time...

2010-03-23T03:33:00.000+01:00

is upon us. A week to go. Movers show tomorrow (hopefully) and the house will be empty.

Passports are still a no show, unless they are there when I call tomorrow...so we're pinning our hopes on them being here in time for us to fly with The Tanker. Heaven help me if they don't. 1.5 hrs on a plane, the 3 hrs layover and finally another 9 hrs non-stop with a 6 and 4yr old....for my sanity's sake, please oh please let them be in.

The Tanker is a bit antsy himself.

Weekend Plans...

2010-03-09T06:44:00.000+01:00

consist of a little time with....Daddy! A full on flat out no holds barred weekend pass equals lots of Daddy time for the kiddos. Sure, sure we're going to stay at a hotel in E-town (so we're close to base, just in case) but we get us time. And the hotel has an indoor pool.

Yay for weekend passes!

Making a Hop...

2010-03-08T11:17:00.000+01:00

blog hop that is.

Dear Friends and Family,

Willkommen!

Updates will be here from now on...the other blog will be deleted as soon as I work my way around to it. Much easier to manage when all of the blogs are on the same dashboard to be honest. I would combine them all but I'm pretty darn sure you don't want to read my crazy rantings about being prepared in the event of an emergency (or politcial rantings, etc) and knitting adventures. So here you have it. I'm not sure yet that I like the color scheme...but we'll work on it as time permits.

Now that this is at least started...I'll think about a little sleep.